So I went to Davao (I was a happy kid eating durian) last March 11-13 for the assessment of the foreign-assisted projects under the organization I belong, and to present some of the accomplishments of the projects we handle under the assistance of the Government of Japan. As I’ve posted in my previous blog, one of the reason why I do love my job is the opportunity to meet other people (a.k.a. cute boys), and this is just what happened. Of course, this blog entry of mine is not (entirely) about him although I have been crushing on him since then. Luckily, we work under the same government office and building. Yey!
Let’s play forward. So I saw him again this week (thrice!), and yesterday we exchanged smiles. O, that metal-mouth. Ayiiii! I swear, I am starting to feel again because I was like a silly teenager all smiles as I walked out of the canteen. I know it’s nothing but mere crush but the feeling was just bliss. But it faded. As I write this entry, the happiness I felt just yesterday is no longer the same. It’s disappointing.
How come we cannot preserve feelings – bottle or jar it like fruits and vegetables, and have it ready for open when you want a feel of it? Extract it like scents and wear it like we wear perfume everyday? How come we cannot make it stay the same day after day after day? To feel the same, it has to be the same exact moment, people, situation and actions. In my experience, the excitement I feel in anticipation of feeling the same emotions again exhausts me and, sometimes, forces me to move from the feeling.
This may be the reason why I (and probably other people) feel excited again when similar situations happen. It triggers something buried deep inside me. A memory perhaps. But sadly, feelings are like memories—they fade through time when not exercised or expressed constantly or reciprocated. I often tell my friend “Para akong nagka-kame-hame wave nang walang tinatamaan.” Even San Goku gets tired, needs recharging for the next battles. Maybe he should be my next spiritual master. Maybe I should also focus on improving myself first, too. Maybe the best thing to do is to move on.
Maybe. I would like to end this entry with a song from One Republic.
Wanderful Encounters 